Megan Fox apparently took some time out yesterday from meeting her incestuous crush Zac Efron to whine about her body to reporters at the Golden Globes. The Sun reports:

She said: “I am pretty sure I am a doppelgänger for Alan Alda. I’m a tranny. I’m a man. I’m so painfully insecure. I’m on the verge of vomiting now. I am so horrified that I am here, and embarrassed.”
Megan added: “I love Salma Hayek’s look. She looks beautiful and I really want her boobs. I really, really do.”

While there’s a simple solution to having Salma Hayek’s breasts: Buy them. Anyone else suddenly feel the urge to watch M*A*S*H with no pants on? Yeah, me neither. That was a test. I was just testing you.

*looks wistfully out the window* Hawkeye….