I need to find one of the writers from Funny or Die and marry him. Or her. They’re so good I’m not even going to be choosy. And they must be manipulative as hell, because somehow they got Lindsay Lohan to star in a hilarious skit they wrote of her mock eHarmony profile. Part of why it’s funny is that it’s so true. It’s not like the Paris Hilton for president video where she joked about painting the While House pink or other funny yet implausible scenarios. In the Lohan video, everything she says about herself is completely true: like how she’s a shopaholic, a workaholic (okay maybe that’s a stretch), and “according to the State of California, an alcoholic.”

In a new Funny or Die video, Lindsay Lohan parodies those eHarmony ads and pokes fun at her new Us Weekly cover.

“Hi, My name is Lindsay, and I’m looking for love. I’m recently single … I think,” she says, referring to her recent split with Samantha Ronson. “I’m looking for someone I can spend the rest of my life with … or at least the rest of my probation.”

She says her potential mates need to be able to handle a “redhead with a little bit of sass, and by that I mean a redhead that’s crazy.” She then adds, “Don’t pretend like you don’t know me. We’ve all read about it.”

“Or, you could find me on the cover of Us Weekly,” she says as she flips through the latest issue, “because I’m so alone.”

[From Us Weekly]

That Lohan could actually pull herself together and make fun of her current situation gives me some hope for her. As SamHill mentioned, a lot of us are sort of waiting for her to “pull a Britney.” Not that we want that, but she’s just as self-destructive, and has a much worse support system. And while Lohan obviously didn’t write any of the skit, the ability to poke fun at herself makes me think she has a teeny, tiny bit more self-awareness than previously suspected.

Lindsay’s Us Weekly interview – which she references in the video – is part sad and part aggravating to read through. On the one hand, you do get the sense that everyone in her and Samantha’s life behaves like they’re all still in high school. Lohan and Ronson very much included. It does seem like all their friends have taken Ronson’s side. And whatever the reason, the combination of losing friends and a love all at once can be devastating, so I do feel badly for Lohan. On the other hand, she constantly uses the phrases, “it’s not fair,” and “none of this is my fault,” over and over again, and that gets annoying.

It’s not fair, and I wish I could find out what’s going on. It was scary for me. The worst part: I was so alone. I’m so alone. I was with my mom and my sister, but no one called, only two of my friends called. Everyone’s turned on me. No one called me, no one asked how I was. Samantha told me she would never break my heart or do anything to hurt me.

[From Us Weekly, April 20, 2009, print ed.]

Lohan needs to take a little responsibility for her part in what’s gone on. The article is so long that it’s impossible to go over everything, but the impression I walked away with is that there is way too much drama, and too much mean-spiritedness. Not so much in terms of Lohan and Ronson, but the situation they’ve but themselves in. It’s the combination of their families and friends, and people who are being too involved and too angry. This kind of vengeful anger doesn’t go anywhere, and I think more than anything Lindsay should get some space. Like she said in her video – she’s got over $400. Use it to buy a plane ticket and get the hell away from all that negativity.