First off, I kind of like this song. I mean, it’s catchy. It’s no “Bad Romance” but it’s good, and I kind of like Beyonce and Lady Gaga together. They make some kind of strange sense. But the video? I can only imagine that this is what Johnny Weir’s prison fantasies look like. And the sketchy Thelma & Louise reference? Gah. Gawker had an epic (and epically NSFW) summary of how this music video was Gaga’s answer to the “Does she have a hermaphrodite bulge or what already?” questions.

Beyond that, I just have to talk about one thing I was recently thinking about re: Gaga. Whoever does her makeup needs to go back to eye makeup school. Because this junk is ridiculous. It’s one thing to do your makeup like a drag queen would. It’s quite another to have your makeup by so over-the-top that even drag queens are like “Girl, you need to take it down a notch!”

Oh, and I love the soda cans rolled up in Gaga’s hair. That cracked me up.