The National Enquirer is reporting that Kevin Federline’s professional-volleyball-player girlfriend Victoria Prince is pregnant. Reportedly, 26-year-old Victoria found out that she’s expecting in mid-October, which would most likely mean Victoria is about two months pregnant at most, I would think. Allegedly. All of this is a big, fat “allegedly”. But here’s why I think it’s true: K-Fed’s sperm is like Kryptonite to sensible family planning. He can get women pregnant just by looking at them. He’s already got two babies each with Shar Jackson and Britney Spears, so if Victoria’s pregnant, it would be Kevin’s fifth baby. And he’s 31 years old. And he’s unemployed. Dude…

Victoria has been living with Kevin since she quit working last spring. She suspected she was pregnant after the two spent a weekend in Las Vegas in mid-October. After telling Kevin she thought there was a chance she was pregnant, he urged her to take a home pregnancy test to get a definitive answer, an insider divulged.

“The test was positive. She told Kevin that she was pregnant, but he didn’t seem happy to hear the news,” the source revealed. “Kevin wasn’t planning to have children with Victoria, and now he’s upset with her. Kevin says he loves her, but he told her that he didn’t want to get married again.”

Kevin is also worried how Britney will react to the news.

“Kevin definitely doesn’t want to hurt Britney. After all, she’s supporting him, their two boys and Victoria. He knows she’ll be devastated at the thought he may be starting a new family with Victoria.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, November 16 2009]

Christ. Victoria seems like a real brainiac, doesn’t she? “Mmm… dude, I think I may be preggo.” Kevin: “Well, babe, why duncha go get one ‘a them preggo tests?” Victoria: “Shut up, butthead!” It always astounds me, every time I ever cover a Federline story, how he always comes across as the brains of the operation. In a clutch of half-naked (pregnant) morons, the dude with two brain cells furiously rubbing together, wearing a beater tank, is somehow king.

The Enquirer story goes on and on about Britney and how devastated she will be when she finds out. A source even claims: “Britney never wanted Kevin to have another child unless it was with her… she desperately wants to have a baby girl, and she had hoped Kevin would be the dad.” Uh…. Pink wig, stat! I actually think Britney would be in more mental-health danger if she got pregnant again, not if she found out Kevin had knocked up some other girl. But maybe I’m giving the Pink Wig too much credit.

K-Fed and Victoria Prince are shown out shopping on 10/9/09. Credit: Nate Jones/Sam Sharma/PacificCoastNews.com