Earlier this morning, CB did some great, intensive coverage of Anne Heche’s appearance on The Late Show last night. Anne was… well, crazy. Let’s go with that. She called her ex-husband Coley Laffoon a “lazy ass” and said that she waited to have a baby with James Tupper, the man she began “dating” when she was still married to Coley, “until I met a man that deserved having a baby. And I met James Tupper and I just thought he was such a wonderful dad to Homer that he deserved one of his own, you know?” She claimed that all Coley did for a living was “go out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, ‘Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!” CB said it best by calling Heche a “nasty, bitter, borderline functional person who would like nothing more than to publicly malign her ex husband.” Well done.

Now Anne’s ex Coley is responding. I know I should be on this guy’s side because Anne is such a bitter, ridiculous, whackadoodle headcase, but Coley’s statement to Us Weekly made me laugh. He sounds like a tool. He whines about how he just came home “from showing two different clients two different condominiums” and he basically calls Anne a big meanie and a bully. Giggle. They’re like children.

Anne Heche’s ex Coley Laffoon is firing back after she called him a “lazy ass” on Wednesday’s Late Show With David Letterman.

“After coming home from showing two different clients two different condominiums, I was disturbed to see Anne taking out her personal frustration on the father of her child on national television,” Laffoon, 35, an employee with Los Angeles real estate company Hilton & Hyland, tells Usmagazine.com in an exclusive statement.

On Letterman, Heche, 40, complained about the $3,700 per month in child support she gives Laffoon for their 7-year-old son, Homer.

“He goes out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, ‘Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!’” she sardonically told Letterman.

Laffoon, who filed for divorce in February 2007 after five years of marriage, also responded on his Facebook page, writing: “I wish Anne Heche could see that public bullying isn’t good for the soul or positive for her child. It’s mean.”

[From Us Weekly]

Dude… chuckle… okay, he needs to hire a publicist, because that’s a terrible statement. If Coley had wanted to come across as sympathetic, he could (and should) have said something like, “It’s unfortunate that Anne felt the need to belittle me, but I won’t do the same. I will always love and respect her as the mother of our child, and I hope in he future she will show me more respect.” If he wanted to come across as hardcore, he should have just issued this statement: “Bitch is crazy. I’m filing for sole custody as we speak.” Why don’t these people ever ask me for help? I’m here to serve you, Coley!

Here are Coley and Anne during happier times in 2005. Images thanks to Fame Pictures .