Haha, it’s just funny at this point. Just when I think “Oh, now THAT is the end of the royal wedding coverage,” something else happens. These are the newly-released OFFICIAL wedding portraits. There are three (that I know of): one of just William and Kate, one of William, Kate and the children who served as bridesmaids and groomsmen/footmen (or whatever), and one with the whole “wedding party.” The whole wedding party one is the one that I find odd – Prince Harry is placed in close proximity to his brother, while Kate’s sister Pippa is pretty much pushed to the side.

And no, I’m not going to say absolutely anything about the children. Why would you think I would say anything? This? Or this? Yeah, I’ve already said enough. But check out the little blonde boy behind Kate in this portrait:

Little pimp! He’s all “I could have any one of these bitches.” A little Prince Harry in the making, right? Let me see if I can find out who he is…he’s Master Tom Pettifer, the son of Tiggy Legge-Bourke, who was William and Harry’s nanny/friend. Interesting side note about Tiggy: Prince Charles hired her during the divorce to Diana, and Diana was PISSED about the hire. Diana thought that Charles had no business hiring a nanny for the boys, considering William was a entering his teen years, and Harry… well, God knows. The boys loved her Tiggy, though, and that just upset Diana even more. Diana thought Charles and Tiggy were lovers too – and she said so, to Tiggy’s face. Sigh… there never will be another one like Diana. She really knew how to bring the dramz.

In other royal news (just let me knock this all out at once):

*Prince Harry’s Best Man toast was “brilliant” according to sources. Apparently, he kept it nice rather than “Hey, dude, remember that time we were boning those hookers…last year?”

*You can see some photos of William and Catherine (must remember to start using “Catherine” by the way) the day after their wedding (today) here. She’s wearing a cute blue dress, a black jacket and the same pre-wedding wedge heels that she was wearing the day before. William isn’t wearing a tie and he looks naked! To me at least.

*The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are delaying their honeymoon! Boo! They are currently in the midst of a special “private weekend” in the UK (somewhere), and then William is going back to work (as a search and rescue pilot) this coming week. Here’s the statement from the palace spokesperson: “The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have chosen not to depart for a honeymoon immediately. Instead, after spending the weekend privately in the United Kingdom, The Duke will return to work as a Search and Rescue pilot next week. The locations of both their private weekend before The Duke returns to work and their future honeymoon, which will be overseas, will not be disclosed in advance. The Couple have asked that their privacy be respected during the coming weekend and during their honeymoon.” It’s weird, right? I mean, I’ll understand if it’s the kind of thing where William was needed and it was all unexpected, but it also sounds very unromantic. Isn’t the honeymoon the best part of all of this wedding stuff? The honeymoon and the cake. And the biscuits, of course. But I guess William has been getting the same biscuits for nine years, and the biscuit in a different location really isn’t all that exciting?

Some additional wedding-day photos that recently came in:

Royal portraits courtesy of Fame.

Yay! Mariah Carey gave birth to her twins just a few short hours ago. Guess what today is? Mariah and Nick’s anniversary! Only Mariah’s uterus would have it planned this way. Now Nick and Mariah get to celebrate their love all over the place on April 30! Aw, I’m really, really happy for Mariah and Nick and the babies. I love the way Mariah handled her pregnancy publicly, although I know not everybody enjoyed her TMI. I thought it was wonderful – she wanted us to celebrate. So, YAY!

April 30 is double the pleasure for Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. Not only did they welcome twins, but the couple celebrated their fourth wedding anniversary, too!

Carey, 41, delivered the babies Saturday at 12:07 p.m. EDT at an undisclosed hospital in Los Angeles. Carey’s representative, Cindi Berger, confirmed the births to The Associated Press, saying the baby girl was born first, weighing 5 pounds, 3 ounces, and was 18 inches long; her brother was next, at 5 pounds 6 ounces, and was 19 inches.

And it was just as Cannon predicted. “I’m not trying to be a psychic, but we renew our vows every year so … It’s probably going to be in the hospital this year. I can feel it,” Cannon said Thursday when he guest-hosted The Talk. “We got the minister coming in, so this gown will not be a wedding gown, but a hospital gown.”

Berger says they were listening to Carey’s “We Belong Together” after the children were born.

Long before the births, the couple made no secret of their desire to have children. Last October when they first made Carey’s pregnancy public, Cannon said that “the greatest gift on earth is a child.”

Throughout Carey’s pregnancy, the parents-to-be were cautious about revealing too many personal details since the couple had a “long journey” to parenthood, Cannon said in December.

That the singer was expecting twins was chattered about for months before Cannon finally confirmed it in December.

As for the origin of their babies’ names, Cannon told PEOPLE in January that the couple had aimed for unique but not wacky. “They won’t be crazy names like Carburetor or something,” he promised. “But they’re definitely unique.”

[From People]

Well, congratulations to them, and I can’t wait to hear the names. You know that Mariah’s idea of a “not wacky” name is totally different than our idea. Fingers crossed for some variation of Sparklepony, Blueberry, Princess Glitter, Nickalicious, Butterfly Sequin and/or various gemstones. Ruby, Sapphire (for a boy), Diamond, Aquamarine, Emerald, Garnet, whatever. Congrats, MIMI!!

Photos courtesy of Life & Style and OK! Magazine UK.

Welcome to the 25th installment of The Most Important People on The Internet featuring words said by you about people posted by me. It’s an intimate affair rife with skullduggery and probably the best comment I’ve ever read on the site, saved for last as always. Of course, that’s not counting all those other times Read More …

Jersey Shore star Angelina Pivarnick accepted a proposal from David Kovacs in February which she hoped to leverage into the show recasting her. Except the same day she said “yes” to a guy who was actually serious about marrying her, she was still banging another dude which is pretty easy to play off if you Read More …

You thought it was done, didn’t you? Ha! It’s not over. It shall never be over. We shall change the name of the site to DuchessOfCrumpetsBitchy, and we shall only cover Catherine Middleton, Forever. Or maybe this is all just the sleep deprivation talking…?

Anyway, these are some new photos – the pics of Catherine in a new white dress, her second Sarah Burton for McQueen gown of the day. This is what Kate wore (is currently wearing?) for the evening wedding festivities. I like everything from the waist up. The bust of the dress is beautiful and structured, and I adore the fuzzy cardigan. The skirt, however… eh. I mean, it’s not my taste. It looks cute on her. Look how itty-bitty her waist is. The Duchess of Diets!

I kind of adore Camilla’s blue frock. I would totally wear that. I love the color and it looks really comfortable.

You know what? I have no idea what Prince Charles is explaining to William, AND I DON’T WANT TO KNOW.

And here are some cute photos from earlier today, when Kate and Will left Buckingham Palace in a snazzy Aston Martin. Double-Oh-Royal-Wedding-Dong.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Welcome to The Crap We Missed: Non-Royal Wedding Edition featuring WonkTits, Katy Perry stealing Miley Cyrus’ moves, Ceaser Romero and a clear and obvious sign of an unhealthy obsession.
Pip pip cheerio,
- The Superficial
Click Here to Start The Gallery
Photos: Fame, Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Read More …

“My word, it has ears like your father…”
So by Royal Wedding, I actually meant five-year-old photos of Kate Middleton in a bikini, and possibly the first time she saw the royal scepter. Because if there was ever an acceptable time to say, “I don’t give a fuck, this is ‘Murika,” this is it. Granted, Read More …

We’re now waiting for the kiss. According to the royal program, The Kiss should be happening around 8:25 EST. God, this has already been a long morning, right? Anyway, while we’re waiting for The Kiss – which will probably be timed perfectly with a flyover from some military planes – let’s discuss the general vibe we got from the wedding and everything. You can see the kiss on MSNBC live feed here:

UPDATE: Here’s the first kiss, for those who missed it!

I was increasingly impressed with how poised and NOT anxious Kate (Catherine, HRH The Duchess of Cambridge) was. She bordered on… extremely confident, I thought. Meanwhile, I got the feeling that William was a little bit of wreck. He seemed very nervous at times. I got the impression that Kate was super-coached, she knew all of her marks, she had practiced a lot, and she wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to mess up at all. My biggest complaint about Kate was that her makeup was hideous – she really, really should not have done it herself. My biggest complaint about William was that he really should have… I don’t know, been more together. He looked anxious, and he seemed… unprofessional when he and his brother were cracking jokes.

Stuff I liked: I liked that the vows were quick and simple. I liked how Pippa behaved… very courteous to her sister, respectful of the gown. I thought the father of the bride performed his duties beautifully, and I enjoyed seeing Carole Middleton looking subdued and emotional. I thought the wedding managed to have a very intimate feel, which is what they were going for.

So… who wants to read body language? I think Kate’s body language says “I got this, bitches!” And she did get it, all of it, and she has every right to tell me and everyone else to suck it.

Here’s video of the vows:

UPDATE: Here are some high and low-quality kiss photos. My favorite part is the little girl who is TOTALLY OVER THIS JUNK. Go ahead and feel free to “caption” the little girl’s thoughts.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I’m not trying to be a raging bitch, but I love how sexy Prince Harry looks next to a cross-eyed child. I know, I know. The little girl is totally cute as a button, but Harry is all “They’re looking at me, sweetheart.” Catherine got stuck with the TOTALLY OVER IT little girl who was making faces, and Harry is stuck with the cross-eyed one. I’m horrible, right? I know, I know. When the girl grows up, she’s going to be beautiful. I promise. It’s always the awkward children that make the most beautiful adults. There, I was nice.

Well, Prince Harry did his duties with aplomb, if “aplomb” means looking pretty bored. Seriously, if you don’t believe me, watch the video of the exchange of vows again. Harry is checking out the ceiling, giving Pippa the side-eye, fantasizing about getting Chelsy out of her hideous suit.

Also, you can see that Harry seems to be balding a bit too. RUH ROH!!

Anyway, he still looked really hot. He should wear black more often.

Update by Celebitchy: The little girl sitting next to Harry is his seven and a half year-old cousin, Lady Louise Windsor. She is the daughter of Harry’s uncle, Prince Edward, and his wife Sophie. Lady Louise has the eye disorder exotropia, she was born with it, and while some stories have her receiving surgery for it most reports have her parents deciding against it until she is older. Kaiser already knows she’s going to hell.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Okay, I know, I know, ANOTHER DRESS POST. You love it, don’t lie! So there’s, like, a million pieces of information about The Dress. The Dress and How It Will Change Everything, Forever. By the way, I just want to say: I TOTALLY CALLED IT. I mean, I was wrong about it NOT being McQueen, so obviously I have to suck that up (I apologize). But when I first saw the dress, my immediate thought was Grace Kelly’s famous wedding gown, and I wrote that in my post. Now everybody else is jumping on! While Kate didn’t have Grace’s dress copied completely, the two dresses do seem very similar, especially from the waist up.

As for the “borrowed, blue, old, new” tradition, Our Girl had it covered. According to People Mag:

Her wedding entrance by car over carriage was a modern touch, but Catherine Middleton seems to have stayed true to the Old English wedding rhyme: Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. The Palace tells PEOPLE the newly ennobled Duchess of Cambridge paid homage to each of these categories – from her v-neck Alexander McQueen gown to her 1936 Cartier tiara – when she married Prince William on Friday at the Westminster Abbey.

Something old
Middleton’s wedding dress, designed by McQueen creative director Sarah Burton, featured a long-sleeved lace overlay that paid respect to the Arts and Craft custom. This tradition, characterized by the Carrickmacross lace-making technique used in the dress design, is a tribute to British craftsmanship.

Something new
As a wedding gift, Middleton’s parents, Carole and Michael, gave the bride a pair of leaf-shaped diamond earrings, which were made by Robinson Pelham to match her tiara.

Something borrowed
The Queen lent Middleton the glittering 1936 Cartier halo-style tiara that crowned her curls. The tiara has been in the Royal Family since it was purchased by King George VI for the Queen Mother.

Something blue
Although Middleton appeared to be all dressed in white, a hint of blue ribbon was sewn into the gown.

[From People]

Wait, the “something old” was the craftsmanship of the gown? It can’t be theoretically old, it has to be old, literally. Which is why I think the tiara was doing double time as something borrowed and something old.

As for the styling, specifically Kate’s hair and (too heavy) makeup, Us Weekly has the scoop:

Besides a Cartier tiara and pave diamond jewels, the best wedding-day accessories for Kate Middleton were her picture-perfect hair and makeup.

After much speculation as to which coiffure would do the royal ‘do, the 29-year-old bride did in fact stick with her tried-and-true hairstylist, James Pryce of the Richard Ward Salon and Metrospa.

Middleton has been going to the Sloane Square salon for over eight years. According to the Daily Mail, “Kate wanted to look like herself on her wedding day. She told salon owner Richard Ward, ‘William must recognize me by the time I get to the alter.’”

A source tells Us Weekly, “Kate had around four or five tryouts. She brought along photos of the styles she liked and showed them to James. Hairstyle tests were then done in a top-secret location. Kate was very pleased with the result.”

There’s no doubt that the classic half-up, half-down coif (her brunette tresses done in cascading ringlets) paid homage to her everyday easy, breezy blowout. Sources say Pryce will be on hand with Middleton throughout the day to ensure that not a strand falls out of place.

As for Middleton’s flawless makeup, rumors are buzzing that she did it herself — possibly using cosmetic brand Bobbi Brown. Just last week, the bride-to-be was spotted making a purchase that included “eye makeup and basics that were a shade darker than she usually uses in the winter” at the brand’s cosmetic counter at London’s Peter Jones department store last week, a source at the company tells Us.

Regardless of what the Middleton used, experts agree that she looked absolutely radiant.

“Her complexion was perfect and her makeup completed the fluidly femininity of her soft look,” beauty specialist Sarah Chapman tells Us. “She carried off the English rose look well with fresh rosy cheeks and nude lips that were balanced by her strong eyes and glossy dark hair. You can tell she looks after her skin very well, which allows her to pull off a natural look.”

And with a sparkler like the 18-carat sapphire engagement ring that once belonged to the late Princess Diana, a flawless manicure is necessary. The bride’s nails were done by the Duchess of Cornwall’s manicurist, Marina Sandoval from the Jo Hansford Salon in Mayfair, who used a combination of Essie Allure (a sheer, beige pink) and Bourjois Rose Lounge (a light, milky pink).

[From Us Weekly]

Eh. You know what I think about the makeup. I won’t repeat myself. But I do like that Kate wanted to look like herself on her wedding, and I think she achieved that.

Photos courtesy of WENN.