- Jessica Biel finally has a realistic perception of her acting career. [Lainey Gossip] - Colin Farrell produces another male heir to his drunken throne, but who shall be named king? Load those bottles with bourbon, men. The joust… …read full story

David Spade is defending the newest Direct TV ad featuring the late Chris Farley in the infamous “Fat Guy in a Little Coat” scene from Tommy Boy which some found a tad macabre. Spade reportedly pulled in $200,000, but… …read full story

While I enjoy celebrity Halloween costumes, I’m more than a little confused by Mickey Rourke’s. He’s dressed as a dude… in an orange vest… and a white suit… and a white face. Ahhh! No really, it is sort of scary. But more like, “Hey, Mickey Rourke might be really truly crazy and not just funny crazy” sort of way. Like he might actually go after you and try to eat your soul or something. Soul eating is my greatest concern on Halloween.

Celebitchy thinks he’s dressed as a/the Joker, and I guess I could see that. Some people are sort of lazy about their costumes and just pull out the first few strange things they find in their closet. In terms of wardrobe, Mickey could just as easily be wearing a sweat suit for all the sense it makes. It’s the white face that’s freaky.

Oh my gosh, no. Better explanation: I just looked at the pictures more closely. I’d thought Mickey was wearing a white turtleneck under his vest, but it appears that he painted his chest white too. And there are streaks of white in his hair, though I’m betting those are accidental. There are some black marks under his eyes (you have to look closely through the sunglasses) and it appears that he’s put black lipstick on, some of which has rubbed off onto his teeth a bit. So… so he’s a white joker ghost man. With an orange twist. Or maybe an epically sad harlequin?

Really, I don’t know where else to go with this. It’s strange. But Mickey looks happy. And oddly pleased with his costume. I’d really appreciate a specific explanation – and I’d also like to know what he was up to that caused the makeup to get rubbed off his nose – and also how the white aviator shades play into it. But I suppose the greatest mysteries are beyond that. I just can’t help but wonder if they’re beyond Mickey too.

Images thanks to Fame Pictures .

Yesterday, we talked about the National Enquirer’s story about Josh Duhamel maybe having an affair with a stripper named Nicole Forrester (“Delilah”) while he was filming a movie in Georgia. From the moment the rumor of this story first hit the intertubes, Josh’s people have been denying it. Yesterday evening, Josh’s rep even went to Us Weekly with an even more hardcore denial: “This is not the first nor will it be the last time that a stripper was paid a large amount of money to sell a false story about a celebrity. This story is absolutely ridiculous.”

It could absolutely be the case that the stripper is making the whole thing up - and paying for her story does not add to any credibility she might have had. I want to make that clear: this could be (and probably is) total bullsh-t. CB said I was too mean to Josh and Fergie yesterday, so let me correct myself - I don’t hate either of them, I just think they’re a really strange couple, and I, personally, could see how Josh might be the kind of guy who would cheat on his wife with a stripper. I guess I’m saying that I didn’t find the story shocking, but I can totally see how Josh and Fergie could be (and probably are) victims of some nasty tabloid reporting.

That being said, I enjoy some nasty tabloid reporting every now and then, and I enjoyed reading the stripper’s (paid) account of what went down between her and Josh in this week’s Enquirer. Here are some of the highlights:

Nicole tells the Enquirer that Josh initially identified himself as “JD” at the club, and said he was in town making a pr0n movie. After drinking Grey Goose vodka together, Josh Duhamel had Nicole perform a nude dance for him and a male friend.

“The dance was $10, and he gave me a $10 tip on top of that,” Nicole said. Before Josh left, they exchanged phone numbers. The next day, Josh contacted her and asked her to visit him at his hotel.

“I got there at 1 a.m.,” she says. They began chatting, but Nicole said Josh was reluctant to talk about himself - or his wife Fergie. “I kept asking about Fergie. He said, ‘You know what you know.’”

After drinking a Bud, Josh told Nicole he wanted to go for a drive and had a valet bring his car. He seemed drunk “and he wanted to party,” Nicole said. “He wasn’t using his turn signals, abiding by speed limits or stop signs. He said, ‘This is an adventure.’ He’s gorgeous - but crazy.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, November 9 2009]

I just wanted to stop right there with this question - why am I so much more offended that Josh was driving drunk (with the stripper’s enabling) than his alleged affair? Is there something wrong with me that I think drunk driving is way worse than cheating on your wife with a skeezy stripper? In my defense, he could have killed someone while driving drunk. Anyhoodle, here’s more… now, for Josh’s epic seduction:

The party turned passionate when they returned to the hotel at 4 a.m. Nicole says Josh played a sex movie on his T.V. “It was hardcore pr0n,” says Nicole. “I was sitting on the couch and then he made his move, and we started kissing and making out. He took off all my clothes and liked my tattoo. We made love for a long time.”

“He wanted me to get in the shower with him but I didn’t. He wanted sex and more sex for four or five hours. He was using protection. I told him I was tired. He said, ‘You don’t like me. You act like you don’t want to be here.’ I told him I did. I got into bed and he went back into the other room naked and continued to watch pr0n. He was still watching pr0n when I woke up!”

By the next morning, Josh was ready to give Nicole the boot. “He said, ‘I can’t sleep with you here.’ He sounded worried that somebody was going to come up. He was getting paranoid. When I walked out the door, he kissed me on the cheek. He said, ‘I’ll call you. I’m in town for another month.’”

“He went away for a week,” said Nicole, “and didn’t answer my calls.” When they finally spoke again, she asked where he’d been. She says Josh snapped back: “Don’t ask questions about my personal life!”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, November 9 2009]

The story goes on - Nicole claims Josh tried to “cover up” their one night of passion. By the way, I love the part of the story where the stripper is calling him again and again after their one night stand. That cracked me up. Anyway, the “cover up” was Josh telling Nicole “Honey, you have to deny that you ever knew me.” He told her that he loved his wife, and then they got into an argument. Honestly, both Nicole and Josh sound like total tools. The Enquirer goes on to state that Josh denies the sex, but not the being in the strip club, and the strip club people confirmed that he was there. Eh. Now that I’ve read the whole thing, I kind of believe it. So sue me.

Josh Duhamel is shown at the Transformers premiere and photo call on 6/15/09. Credit: WENN.com

Adrianne Curry posted the above pic to her Twitter today with the following message: My pumped upper back. I may look skinner, but I’m cut,bitches! Thanks to the magic of Twitter, it’s safe to assume Adrianne Curry spends… …read full story

- Ryan Seacrest Has A Stalker. I don’t know why either [Dlisted]
- Amanda Peet’s house was burglarized - and the bandits made off with all $900 of her jewelry. Well at least she’s low maintenance [Crazy Days and Nights]
- Sarah Jessica Parkererw is in Morocco shooting Sex & the City 2 [Lainey Gossip]
- Hollywood Careers Launched by Horror [PopEater]
- Cops visit Paris Hilton over noise complaints [MSN Wonderwall]
- Shaq is Ready To Be Deputized in Cleveland [Bossip]
- Sexy Time: Make a Move! [College Candy]
- Dr. Klein Wants Money For Making Michael Jackson Look “Fabulous” [Fafarazzi]
- Is The Fourth Kind a Hoax? [Pajiba]
- Gerard Butler Was “Insane” When He Became An Actor [I’m Not Obsessed]
- The Kardashian sisters will promote anything [Celebslam]
- Jude Law denies romancing Sienna Miller again [In Case You Didn’t Know]
- Snoreplasty: The New Injection To End Snoring [The Frisky]
- Kate Hudson Cheerleads, Jay-Z Performs, Yankees Win in Game Two [PopSugar]
- Natalie Imbruglia Topless Bikini Pictures [Egotastic]
- Christina Ricci in a bikini [The Superficial]
- Holly Madison Is Busting Out! [Hollywood Tuna]

Here’s Christina Ricci in Miami today with her boyfriend ME. Yep, we decided to get a little R&R together, and if you’re wondering why I keep ducking out of every shot, that’s because I’m the modest type who doesn’t… …read full story

Every year the Today Show goes all out for Halloween. I’m fairly certain at least 30% of their annual budget must go to this effort. This year, the theme was “Star Wars” and they even worked with George Lucas to make sure the costumes were done right. I saw a couple minutes of the prep work this morning and it looked daunting, to say the least. There were a lot of complaints about how hot and uncomfortable everyone was. Needless to say, I didn’t envy them. But the costumes looked good, and the gropy Ewoks had a nice time.

For this year’s costume party, ‘Today’ traveled to a galaxy far, far away for inspiration. Why ‘Star Wars’? As Yoda would say: Dwell on the logic you mustn’t. Just enjoy the ridiculousness of this most beloved annual tradition of watching Matt Lauer and company acting silly.

Working with George Lucas, the gang gussied up in elaborate costumes — surrounded by Stormtroopers and huge set pieces from the original films. Al Roker showed up as Han Solo, while Meredith Vieira (with an Ewok by her side) bunned up as Princess Leia, Kathie Lee Gifford suited up as C-3PO, Ann Curry as cyborg meanie Darth Vader and Erin Burnett as Padme Amidala.

But the real fun began when Matt Lauer, as Luke Skywalker, had a hard time getting out of his X-Wing Fighter. The hatch opened at a crawl, leaving Lauer/Skywalker thoroughly helpless. “I got a bad feeling about this,” Roker joked. After making some “c’mon, c’mon” gestures, Lauer was a finally able to pull himself out.

“Sorry, I’m late. I was on my laptop.”

But the awkwardness level truly exploded moments later when Hoda Kotb emerged as — you guessed it — Yoda Kotb. “I am Yoda, I am.” Unsure what to do next, Lauer began thanking George Lucas for providing the props, before being reminded that Curry was still wearing her Vader mask and needed to be introduced.

Later, an Ewok got a little frisky with Meredith. “Don’t touch my butt!” she said.

Fans of synergy and corporate tie-ins will be curious as to why ‘Star Wars’ was chosen this year, when topics like the vampire craze, reality shows (’Jon & Kate’) and ‘Mad Men’ could have been tackled. If you need a reason, go with the ‘Star Wars: In Concert’ live symphony show that is touring the nation right now.

[From PopEater]

Honestly I really wish they’d gone with something a little more inventive than Star Wars. Seeing a super realistic “Star Wars” costume isn’t that novel, in and of itself. There are a lot of Star Wars geeks out there who get all obsessive about their costumes. And not just because it’s Halloween. Some of them, it’s just because it’s a Tuesday. Last year they did Humpty Dumpty for the theme, which was awesome. First off, you don’t see a lot of giant egg man costumes. And they were just fabulously done. It took real creativity and innovation, and I think most everyone was surprised. As PopEater subtly pointed out in their article, in this case the most interesting thing about the “Star Wars” theme was what went wrong.

Nonetheless, the pictures are still fun to look at. It’s always enjoyable to see an otherwise respectable (mostly) journalist dressed up in a silly costume.

Images thanks to Pacific Coast News.

Lindsay Lohan has finally returned to her wang-ly master and has been shacking up in hotels with male model Petey Wright (above), according to The Sun: The Mean Girls actress was snapped leaving the Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood… …read full story

In Touch’s uncool Bermuda Triangle is much of the same crap they’re been shoveling for the past … what is now?… four years and ten months or so. I suppose the twist is that they’ve joined their normal “last straw” story of “Brad is sick of Angelina, must run back to Jennifer Aniston as fast as his little legs can carry him” with a more current story. This version is about Brad’s motorcycle accident over the weekend - according to IT, he got in the accident because he was in such a rush to meet Aniston. Oh, yes. The gerbils are leaking stories all over the place! Allegedly, Brad texted Jennifer to set up a meeting to talk about her rumored reunion with John Mayer. IT’s source claims Brad thinks Mayer is “nothing but trouble” but Jennifer is “rubbing the relationship in his face”. Ugh. So he asked for a meeting, and then got into an accident, and they didn’t meet, I guess. Whatever.

In Touch also say Angelina’s “retaliation” against “Brad’s independent streak” is to reconnect with her two ex-husbands, Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton. Some source overheard Billy Bob telling friends that he and Angelina speak all the time, and apparently, Angelina may still talk to Jonny. Which doesn’t sound that weird, because she and Jonny seemed to have maintained a genuine friendship for many years after their divorce. IT claims that “Angelina knows Brad gets jealous” of her relationships/friendships with men, and she speaks to men on purpose, knowing it will get him riled up. Whatver.

The National Enquirer also had a story revolving around the Triangle and the motorcycle crash, but it was kind of boring. The gist was that Jennifer Aniston was really scared that Brad could have hurt himself, while Angelina was all “meh”. Meanwhile, Life & Style‘s take on the accident was courtesy of a named eyewitness/resident of the building that Brad went to wait for help. Talia Schwartz claims: “He told the building manager that Angie was going to kill him because she thinks motorcycles are too dangerous.” Uh… but Angelina rides motorcycles too.

My favorite Brangelina tabloid story of the week comes from Star Magazine. It’s just as credible as all the other ones (re: not so much), but it made me laugh, and my mood definitely needs improvement. Star reports that while Brad and Angelina were staying in France, they got “married”. But not really… they just had a fake ceremony with Maddox acting as the justice of the peace. Seriously!

Brad and Angelina held an intimate, romantic marriage ceremony at their French chateau, with all six of their kids by their side.

“They threw themselves a wedding for the sake of the kids,” an insider tells Star. “Maddox has been pressing his parents to get married for a long time. It wasn’t legally binding, but it was important for them to have a special ceremony to let the kids know they’re just like married people.”

The ceremony was conducted by 8-year-old Maddox, who put Shiloh, 3, in charge of the rings. “He was adorable when he mispronounced the word ‘bearer’ and told Shiloh, ‘You’re the ring bear.’ She was thrilled,” the insider says.

Zahara was the flower girl, Pax got to be best man and 15-month-old twins Knox and Vivienne giggled as they watch the ritual unfold in the Grand Hall of the magnificent Chateau Miraval.

“Mad was so honored to marry Mommy and Daddy… He learned all about traditional wedding vows and memorized a lot of it. But he ended up reading off a piece of paper.” Brad and Angie also read their favorite poems and stories aloud.

The bride wore a simple, flowing white dress while the groom was dashing in a suit. “All the kids wore costumes… Shiloh had her sword, Maddox was in a camouflage army top while Pax dressed in an Adidas outfit. Zahara wore a dress and a plastic Disney tiara.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, November 9 2009]

The wedding meal provided to the wedding party was home-baked bread, salad and cheeseburgers. And one cake, which led to a food fight - “Angie couldn’t stop laughing… Shi had cake in her hair!” Star also claims that Brad got emotional, like a little girl. He apparently called his family and told them about the “wedding” and now he and Angelina are thinking about doing it for real. Yeah… I don’t think that it will happen, but the image of Shiloh as “ring bear” and Zahara in her tiara is a good one, isn’t it?