Full disclosure: my inner goth girl would love to have Khloe Kardashian’s long black dress in these photos. I dislike the jacket, but the dress is awesome. I used to have an excellent skirt made out of the same material… damn, what happened to that skirt?
Anyway, these are some pics of Khloe at LAX a few days ago. The dress is flattering and slimming, so maybe that’s why Khloe’s Pinocchio Butt is looking a bit smaller here? I can’t figure it out. Seriously, go back and look at some of those old Pinocchio Butt photos from a few months ago. Khloe’s butt/butt implants were ENORMOUS. Her butt was suddenly, shockingly huge. It was also really “high,” which many took as evidence of said butt implants. But in these photos, the Pinocchio seems smaller, not as high, not as wide.
So how did Khloe’s butt deflate? I have some theories. Some people emailed me and CB about whether or not Khloe was wearing butt pads on-and-off for several months. That’s one theory. Another is that she did get implants and they were relatively new back in April/May and now, like breast implants, the swelling has gone down. Theory #3 is that her butt is the same size but this dress is just really slimming. And yes, I can’t believe I’ve spent this much time talking about Khloe’s butt. But there you go.
Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.
Here are some photos of Duchess Kate at the Commonwealth Games yesterday in Scotland. Sigh. Does anyone else worry about her fascination with this shade of blue? She has so many dresses in this shade. I was looking up blue-shade names, and I guess we’ll call this “royal blue” or some variation of cornflower/cerulean. While blue is my favorite color, I guess I tend to avoid this particular shade most of the time because… I don’t know. It just seems like a cheap blue to me. I associate it with corporate logos and air hostesses. Am I all alone with this? The thing is, she looks beautiful in lilacs and blue-purples. I don’t know why she doesn’t wear more of them.
This blue dress is actually Stella McCartney, a British designer Kate rarely wears (thank God). This dress is actually a repeat – Kate wore this first in 2012 during the London Olympics – if you remember correctly, Kate originally paired the dress with a gaudy necklace with a giant circle, like she had won an Olympic medal for waitying. As for the dress… y’all know my feelings about Stella and what a terrible designer she is, so I’m perfectly willing to give Stella the blame for this ensemble. I will say that I liked this dress more in 2012, although the fit was still off back then (that standard for Stella’s designs). Kate paired the dress with another navy blazer. That’s not the same navy blazer she wore on Monday – Kate brought TWO navy blazers (at least) to Scotland. This one is Smythe.
As for “her trusty Stuart Weitzman ‘Corkswoon’ wedges”…. I want to burn them in a cleansing fire. I remember saying, when Kate and William first got engaged, that she was lacking major shoe game. I thought that was fine at the time, but at this point if I ever see her wearing a pair of nude LK Bennetts or Weitzman wedges again, it will be too soon. Oh, and she wore the wedges while participating in some kind of “jumping” game – go here to see the photos. I’m absolutely shocked her dress didn’t blow up! How did it not? Did someone (Stella!!!) sew in fabric weights?!
So, good news: no jeggings and no one saw the royal beav or bum. Bad news: the wedges have not burned in a cleansing fire. YET.
Photos courtesy of PCN, Fame/Flynet.
I’ve been trying to ignore the fact that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is being released soon. The American release is on August 8th, two Fridays from now. But in Australia, it’s being released in September 11th, which is a Thursday this year. It will be the 13th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks which killed nearly 3000 people and brought down the World Trade Towers. It’s a solemn anniversary and nearly everyone in America takes time out of their day every year to weep for our fallen and to remember. Paramount Pictures is totally cool with that, but they’d also like to remind all of the Australians out there to go see TMNT, so they sent out this completely f—ked up tweet yesterday:
To their credit (I guess?), they deleted the tweet quickly. While I don’t doubt that Michael Bay (the producer) has no sh-ts to give about 9/11 – or he cares about it because one day he’d like to make a Transformers film with a 9/11-based script! – I really don’t think this tweet was his call. I think this was some lowly publicity person at Paramount who glanced at the image and thought, “AWESOME! Must tweet immediately.” I don’t know – do you think Michael Bay approved all of the posters/publicity stills? Doubtful. Especially since Bay is only the producer – this crapfest was directed by Jonathan Liebesman. Way to go, dude.
Also – I guess I should point, this is just further evidence that small studio blunders can blow up into huge international controversies because of social media. If this image had just been a poster used only in Australian theaters, I doubt people would have cared that much. It would have been localized and Australia-specific. But because this was tweeted out (and on Paramount’s Facebook), it became a much bigger deal.
Last thing: while I am offended by the terrible poster, my blood runs cold when I see these turtles. They are TERRIFYING. I cannot believe anyone thought this movie would be a good idea.
Photos courtesy of Paramount, WENN.
Kate Upton covers the September issue of Elle UK. September issues are usually major fashion issues, and this cover is disappointing and boring. Kate’s wearing a Prada coat and a black turtleneck that covers her assets. I know Kate wants to go high fashion, but she’s graced multiple SI: Swim covers. Why is Elle UK hiding Kate’s most prominent asset?
These interview excerpts are interesting. Kate claims to be a farmgirl, yet she’s from Florida. There are farms in Florida. I checked. They’re not the corn and wheat and cow farms that we’re accustomed to in flyover country, but they have farmers in Florida. More important than the farm discussion is Kate’s declaration that beauty is really inconvenient. Huh:
Beauty is a hindrance: “Living on a farm, beauty doesn’t get you anywhere. Because I was pretty didn’t mean I could convince my sister to do my chores. It was kind of inconvenient to be pretty, growing up.”
The rise of the curves: “When I first started modelling, I was a normal catalogue model. Then, I became a woman, and I was really excited about becoming a woman. Because I’m from Florida, it’s all about being in bathing suits. It’s a different view of beauty there. You are ugly if you don’t have a curvy body. And I didn’t have one, and then I got one, and thought, ‘Yessss!’”
The inevitable fallout: “And then people say: “Oh, wow, you’re healthy.’ And you’re like, ‘Wait — what? I’ve been begging for this body my whole life!’”
[From Elle UK]
Sigh. I am a major Upton fangirl, and even I wonder what prompted these answers. She sounds vacuous. Any discussion of context would involve a lame excuse.
Upton’s words echo those of Jessica Biel, who told Allure in 2009, “[My beauty] really is a problem. I have to be blunt. I just want an opportunity.” Biel was complaining about her lack of auditions for acting gigs. A case could (possibly) be made for Biel wanting to play “serious” roles and abandon her crippling beauty to do so. Upton is a model by trade. She scores covers and campaigns because she’s gorgeous. Her playful personality is a plus, but there’s no way she’d get hired if she wasn’t pretty.
Photos courtesy of Elle UK & WENN
I’m not “up” on all of the cool music that the kids listen to, so I basically only know Ariana Grande as A) the girl who sounds like vintage Mariah on “The Way,” B) the girl who did “The Problem” with I-G-G-Y, C) the girl with dimples, D) the girl who has a hardcore belief in ghosts and E) the girl who cried on the Grammys red carpet because someone tweeted bad stuff about her dress. So, I’m not really down with her as a super-fan, but I’m also not down with making fun of her for nothing. She’s working. She’s doing her thing. She’s sort of annoying but let her figure it out. Anyway, Ariana covers the new issue of Seventeen and she talks all about her insecurities and… she sounds sort of pleasantly neurotic, like Chris Evans.
On putting herself out there and being totally exposed: “It’s tough to spend some of the most important years of your life in front of so many strangers who want to pick you apart. Insecurity has been the hardest thing I’ve had to overcome. I think everyone my age struggles with that because everyone strives for approval and wants to feel loved.”
Insecurities: “Everybody has certain things that make them feel insecure. Even when you overcome a huge battle in your life and you make a ton of progress as a person, there are still things that will upset you and break your heart. But I feel like I’m at a point in my life where love is the most important thing, and I won’t let anything come before it.”
The biggest lesson she’s learned in the past few years: “Being okay with not having the answers to everything. I feel like for the first time in my life, I’m really okay. I used to freak out about everything all the time. I used to be like, ‘Oh my God, somebody said this!’ Everything used to be such a big deal! But now, I feel I can handle everything that comes my way with a calm energy.”
The toughest thing she has ever had to deal with: “Falling out of touch with my dad. It’s private, but it happened last year. It took me so long to be okay with it. The thing that got me there was embracing the fact that that I am made up of half my dad, and a lot of my traits come from him. So much of me comes from my father, and for so long, I didn’t like that about myself. I had to accept that it’s okay not to get along with somebody and still love them.”
Now we see why she cried on the red carpet of the Grammys. I guess it’s good that she’s developing a thicker skin about criticism, although I think a bigger issue might be that Ariana is checking her Twitter on the red carpet of the Grammys. Enough already. As for the dealing-with-criticism thing… she’s of that “special snowflake” generation. She’s 21 – and it seems like a lot of the youths in their late teens and early 20s have grown up with helicopter parents. They were told all their lives that they were the most special and unique people in the world and when real life crashes in, whether it’s mean internet comments or something actually important, they tend to not know how to handle it.
Photos courtesy of Kenneth Willardt/Seventeen.
Chloe Moretz, film veteran at age 17, covers the September issue of Flare magaazine. She’s wearing a magnficent Gucci coat. Chloe hasn’t had any huge box-office hits (yet), but she’s played several wiser-than-her-years roles. There was plenty of controversy over Chloe cursing up a storm in the Kick-Ass movies, but those films have been forgotten already. Onto brighter pastures, I say.
Chloe is promoting her new film, If I Stay, in which she plays a cello player. My daughter plays cello, so I know the is instrument prone to sounding like a dead cow. That’s not an insult. I’m just saying that anyone (and their parents) who commits to practicing the cello puts up with a lot. Chloe is still very much a teenager, and she has some thoughts on dating. She’s not into it:
Her dating fears: “It’s a tough age to fall in love: people change so quickly…I don’t want to have to feel like I have to watch my step, ’cause I’m 17 and I shouldn’t have to…[To my friends] I’m like, ‘Dude, you’re wasting away your entire high-school years, and now you’re going to waste away your college years. You’re going to spend your entire life in a relationship and then you’re going to get married…and then you’re dead! So you lived your life in a relationship!’ That’s not my style.”
Her family: “They know me the best, and I know that no one’s going to try and mess me over, you know?””
Her style: “People say don’t judge a book by its cover, but if someone wears a crazy outfit, they’re automatically a crazy person.”
Playing the cello for If I Stay: “It’s a very intimate instrument. For a girl especially, you’re wearing a dress and opening your legs and holding this instrument to your body, so it’s an extension of your body. When you hear cellists play, it almost sounds like a wind instrument because their breathing is linked up to the bow strokes, so as they go down or up, they breathe with the down and up of the bow.”
Chloe has a great attitude about dating. I know several people from my graduating high school class who married each other, and they all divorced within a decade. They’re all on Facebook now, stalking each other’s profiles to see whom the other is dating. It’s kinda awkward for people who knew them and see it all happening. Sometimes marrying one’s high school sweetheart does work out, but I’m a big fan of wading through the pool of sharks before finding a nice swordfish to settle down with. Not that I’m an expert but in theory.
The rest of this Flare shoot is age appropriate with some stylish yet cute outfits. Chloe is very mature for her age, but I dig that she’s not flashing the flesh yet. There’s plenty of time for that in the future.
Photos courtesy of Flare
My God, Jesse Eisenberg’s hair is glorious. I don’t think I’ve ever paid that much attention to his locks, but OMG. I would kill to have those curls!! He has Helena Bonham Carter hair. These are some new photos of Jesse outside of the BBC Radio 1 studio yesterday in London.
Ordinarily I would care (I like him but he’s really not on my radar for the most part), but I’d just like to point out a few weird things. One, he still has his hair. Surely he’s going to shave his head to play Lex Luthor in Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice? I mean, they’re filming that RIGHT NOW. Ben Affleck is beefy and Henry Cavill is Superman-bulky. Why isn’t Lex Luthor bald? Did Jesse not want to cut his hair? Is he wearing a bald cap (cop out!)? Or is Lex Luthor not bald in this film? So many questions.
I also think it’s weird that Jesse didn’t attend Comic-Con with Gal Gadot, Cavill and the Batfleck. His absence does not bode well, I think. Or maybe he just had something else on his plate? THR reported a few days ago that Jesse made an appearance in Tel Aviv last Thursday, and he probably got stuck there for a few days while many airlines were canceling flights in and out of Ben Gurion Airport. He was promoting a pet project at a local Tel Aviv theater – you can read more about his trip here. Apparently, he did some touristy things too (it was his first trip to Israel).
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet, WENN.
Seen here partying his dick off in Spain, Orlando Bloom reportedly took a swing at Justin Bieber Wednesday morning Ibiza time causing the hardest rapper in all of Canada-land to flee a restaurant because of the prettiest elf in Middle Earth. And to the applause of every single person there if not humanity at large. TMZ reports:
Orlando Bloom got in Justin Bieber’s face early Wednesday morning in Ibiza … and Justin fled the restaurant — and one eyewitness says Orlando threw a punch.
The eyewitness tells TMZ … Orlando was in Cipriani restaurant which was packed with celebs, including Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Diddy.
Listen closely as you watch the video. It sounds like Justin, in the middle of a shoving match, screams, “What’s up bitch?”
You don’t see Orlando swing, but the eyewitness tells us that’s exactly what happened. And we’re told when Bieber left the crowd applauded.
Considering they both banged each other’s exes (Selena, Miranda) yet both have been spotted on yachts full of groupies (Justin, Orlando), I can’t imagine what the issue might be. Except I can, and it’s Orlando Bloom hates black people. Oh, so what? They can’t eat the same restaurant as you? ROSA PARKS, BITCH!
Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed, which pretty much wouldn’t have happened without Instagram boobs and an unhealthy (and I’m just now noticing incestuous…maybe I should swap out that pic, oh look, beer!) injection of Brazilian ass. It’s like a Frankenstein monster of all things Internet, but without cat photos, unless you count Fat Rob Kardashian as cat photos, which now that I’ve suggested it should definitely be the new thing.
Could you imagine him trying to jump onto a table, but missing slightly and falling off? OHMYGOD or, or curling up in Khloe‘s mouth and just falling asleep?!ADORBS!!!!1
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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
Over the past few weeks, there’ve been no less than 800 novel-length takedowns of the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app which I didn’t read because I only need two words to tell me not to touch it, and those words are Kim Kardashian. As for the rest of America, it’s plunked $85 fucking million into it trying to become the virtual version of what Kim used to be to Paris Hilton minus that time Kim tried to breathe in Paris’ soul through a stab wound thus becoming her which everyone mysteriously forgot about after Kris Jenner obtained The Demon’s Bible. But enough facts and history, here’s Stephen Colbert ripping it apart in four minutes. (h/t Uproxx)
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