You know how in sci-fi movies when science just goes ahead and does something simply because it can only to have it blow up in its face by causing a massive global catastrophe like Godzilla, or for the sake of argument, allowing women to vote?
This is one of those times. Everybody get to the moon!
Photos: Read More …

Happy 90210 Day! See you at The Peach Pit. [PopEater]
Ellen Pompeo has six toes. For real. [Yeeah]
Heidi Montag won‘t let her fake sex tape be released. [The Superficial]
Michael Bay offers a reward to find the horrible puppy-throwing woman. [WWTDD]
Apparently, Lindsay Lohan is NOT naked in Machete. [Celebnewswire]
Jenna Fischer‘s dress could have been lovely, but that bodice took a fug, tacky, geometric turn for the worse. [Go Fug Yourself]
Top Chef recap: I actually watched it, and I HATE the guy who won. [Gawker]
First look at Season 2 of Glee! [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
Sandra Bullock: H‘wood‘s most sought after actress. [ICYDK]
Beyonce‘s lying, cheating daddy is still in charge of her career. [Bossip]
Damn, this chick Victoria Azarenka collapsed during the US Open. [Bitten and Bound]
Wax Rihanna is freaky as hell. [Hollywood Rag]
I know everybody love White Collar‘s Matt Bomer, but is anyone else with me in thinking that Tom DeKay is bringing some sex appeal too? [Accidental Sexiness]
David Beckham was a ballet-flat-wearing fashionista when he was a kid. [The Frisky]
Summer box office winners & losers. [Moviefone]
Kelly Brook‘s boobs in Paris. [Starpulse]

By the way, does anyone else miss Luke Perry?

Was everyone else startled when they first saw Kelly Osbourne at the Emmys on Sunday? She has lost quite a lot of weight. So much weight she pretty much looks like a different person. Not all of it is the weight though – she did away with the lavender hair, and now she’s doing some strange ashy blonde that ages her terribly. Anyway, Kelly took her new body to the Pussycat Dolls show last night, after tweeting the above photo. Kelly performed with Carmen Electra and Mya, and Kelly’s mom showed up with her new face to watch the performance.

Can I just say something? I’m a little disappointed in Kelly. I want her to be happy and healthy, but I think she’s just spinning to a bad place, honestly. Her weight loss is drastic, and she just recently broke it off with her fiancé, who broke her heart after probably-definitely cheating on her. This whole thing strikes me as “I’m doing fine on my own” move, and it’s not really coming across as “over it.”

Plus, she just looks extremely trashy in these getups. And not in a “trashy in a sexy way.” Poor Kelly.

What does Sharon think of all of this?

Kelly on Sept. 1, 2010. Credit: WENN.

- Jerry Lewis is a national treasure.
- Carmen Electra in her everyday clothes. Everyday clothes.
- Jennifer Aniston is banging Lindsay Lohan’s sloppy seconds?
- Jon Hamm might be “too” perfect.
- Brittany Flickinger apparently remembers everything Paris taught her.
- Kelly Brook needs to never stop promoting this Read More …

When her uterus isn’t directly causing crazed gunmen to hold the Discovery Channel building hostage, Kate Gosselin secretly pines for a strapping man in the law enforcement profession to rough her kids up before discharging his sidearm into her wanting perp. (Police erotica: Catch it!) Us Magazine reports:
At an Emmys after-party in L.A. on Read More …

I apologize in advance, but I’m about to lay into Chelsea Handler. I may offend some, and I am sorry. But I can’t stand her. Anyway, Chelsea was dating Animal Planet dude Dave Salmoni for several months, but apparently it’s over now. She made some not-so-cryptic comments about the maybe-split last night on Chelsea Lately. When asked to confirm the split by Us Weekly, her rep farted out some bullsh-t about Chelsea only talking about her personal life on her show – desperate for ratings much? I would like to know what happened, but not enough to watch this racist, unfunny, nasty C-U-Next-Tuesday. Who is “35.”

Have Chelsea Handler and Animal Planet star Dave Salmoni parted ways?

During her monologue on Chelsea Lately Wednesday, the comedienne, 35, seemed to make veiled references to her relationship with Into the Pride hunk Salmoni, 34.

“I’ve decided to consult for other networks,” the E! star joked. “Up until a couple weeks ago, I was working very intimately with the Animal Planet, but unfortunately, that contract was terminated,” she said.

“However, I enjoyed being in bed with them and may hook up for an occasional project,” Handler added.

When asked about Handler’s current romantic status, her rep told UsMagazine.com: “She saves all commentary about her personal life for her own show.”

During a July 21 appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Handler confirmed that she was seeing Salmoni. “He’s really cute,” she gushed. “It’s nice to date somebody who can protect you from a bear or a lion.”

Salmoni flirted with her during a July 19 appearance on her show. “It sounds like you’ve been telling people that you’ve given me more than just a kiss,” he said.

Handler ended her relationship with Comcast CEO Ted Harbert earlier this year.

[From Us Weekly]

I have a few theories. One, Chelsea broke it off because he wanted to do something gross, involving her ass, probably. But God knows, maybe she likes that. Second theory: she broke it off because he smelled like one the animals he works with. Third theory: He dumped her for being a rude, obnoxious so-and-so.

Just for the record, the way Chelsea has operated so far is: hookup with the married president of a cable network, breakup the dude’s marriage, begin openly “dating” the guy when his divorce comes through, never respond to the “jokes” about f-cking your way up, negotiate an eight-figure contract with your boss/lover, then dump him after the ink is dry, then hookup with a younger man who works with animals on a daily basis, gushing about him publicly to promote the image of a lusty cougar to sell yourself, your show and your book, then publicly call him out when your relationship is over.

Paris Hilton wants everyone to know that she, and only she, truly knows what’s happening with her arrest for felony possession of cocaine, according to her Twitter:
These rumors going around are so ridiculous, untrue and cruel. I’m not going to even pay attention to them, because I know the truth.
And by rumors she must be Read More …

Don’t Miss the Season Premiere of JERSEYLICIOUS
Sunday, Sept. 5 8/7c on Style Network
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A few days ago, Peaches Geldof announced that she and Eli Roth were celebrating their six month anniversary. She announced it on Twitter – ha. Anyway, that little piece of news had some people (including me) waxing on and on about how we didn’t think it would last, and how they might make it work for the long haul, all of that good stuff. Now, surprise, surprise, they might be engaged, for real. Peaches and Eli were out last night, and it looks like Peaches was wearing a rock on her important finger (I don’t want to know what she does with that finger, I really don’t).

There are tons of photos of Peaches flashing the rock last night, as she and Eli went to two celebrity-paparazzi haunts in London, The Ivy and Bungalow 8. However, when The Daily Mail contacted Peaches’ rep (that poor bastard), the news came down that Peaches is “100% not engaged.” She is, however, 100% press-hungry famewhore. I really believe this is their dynamic at this point – I used to think Eli was way more into Peaches than she was to him, but now I kind of think that Peaches is pushing Eli to make a commitment while he’s all “Um, no, you’re just the girl that I can be a freak with. I’m probably going to end up married to a nice Jewish girl, not some famewhore English muffin.”

Peaches & Eli in London on Sept. 1, 2010. Credit: WENN.

Earlier this summer, Jezebel ran a story that cherry-picked a few quotes here and there, basically saying that these quotes were “proof” of The Daily Show’s “woman problem.” Basically, Jezebel’s Irin Carmon was calling Jon Stewart specifically and The Daily Show generally sexist because female “correspondents” have a short shelf life on TDS. While it would be nice to see more women on TDS, I don’t think Jon Stewart is sexist in any way shape or form. Just my opinion. Anyway, the story came just as TDS had hired – on a trial basis – a new girl, Olivia Munn. Munn is an actress, “comedienne” and “personality” who is very popular with some dudes because she is seen as “hot.” Mainly her “hotness” comes from the fact that she has never met a camera she couldn’t strip for. Such it is with her new GQ profile, which just came out. Before I even looked at the photos, I skimmed this brief interview, and I was kind of disgusted:

Before this summer, Olivia Munn was best known as co-host of G4’s Attack of the Show!, a gig that demanded a knowledge of gaming nerdery and a willingness to tongue-bathe an iPhone. But now Munn will appear both on NBC’s Perfect Couples and as the newest correspondent on The Daily Show.

The latter prompted some—including this writer—to wonder whether she’d proven her comedic chops to be TDS-ready, igniting a heated women-in-comedy debate, with Munn as the central talking point. (Her reaction: “I took a nap.”)

So how did she win over America’s boyfriend? In part, with a Holocaust quip.

“When we met, Jon mentioned being Jewish, and I asked, ‘The Holocaust—did it really happen?’ ” she recalls. “I mean, clearly it happened, but that’s my sense of humor, and it showed I could joke in that Daily Show way.”

Now that she’s moved on to political satire, does this mean the chocolate-pudding jumps are over? Munn concedes: “If someone got all the chocolate pudding in L.A., I might still dip a toe in.” Angelenos, quick, get ye to a Safeway.

[From GQ]

Now THIS makes me think that Jon Stewart is sexist. Because he would hire this girl who seems to think she’s “funny” if she says something inappropriate while taking off her top. Also: that has to be the worst Holocaust joke ever. Need a good Holocaust joke? Call Ricky Gervais. Olivia reminds me of both Jenny McCarthy and Sarah Silverman – but only the worst parts. This is how McCarthy got her start – she would take off her clothes and make fart jokes. That’s “funny” right? And Sarah Silverman because SS thinks that making awkward, ill-timed, “political” jokes equals hilarity. So why did Jon hire her? Is this affirmative action for unfunny morons who happen to be women? There are some truly talented female comedians out there, and it sucks that they’re not getting this job because Olivia’s got her tits out.

GQ photos courtesy of GQ.